Why Do People Cheat

Is one partner not enough?

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From Anonymous
Just a quick note, this will sound stupid as I do not know the exact chemicals and reactions etc etc. Apparently men have more X (cannot remember what chemical it is) that is stimulated by, for example, change - things that are different...hence being with someone who has different curves tastes different etcetc turns them on more so than it does women. Must excuse the bad grammar. If anyone knows more about what I am talking about I would appreciate it if you mentioned it...thanks!

From Ghost Rider
After reading Bob's posting, perhaps I was a bit hasty in labeling all men stupid for cheating. Bob is in a dilemma. From the information he gave, he has one of three choices to make. First choice A very intense love affair with his right hand. Second Choice Go outside the marriage and involve himself in an affair with another woman. In doing so from the information given, he wouldn't affect his wife but would run the risk of his kids getting hurt in the process. Third choice File for and obtain a divorce and sue for custody of his children. I can't tell Bob which action to take. 

What ever action he takes, my advice is, Don't abandon your children. Always be there for them and provide for them. I'm not sure there is a right answer to this situation. Some of you other web readers and posters join in on this and try to help spread some different views.

From Bob
So, am I scum or what? My marriage of 30 years has been hell for me from week two. The bible talks about the blessing of having a great wife (in Proverbs) and somewhere else, the woe, of having a sullen wife.

I knew my marriage was in trouble and would have left, except shortly after we were married, my wife was pregnant. I felt I had to stay and support her and the family, whatever the cost. And emotionally, the cost has been heavy.

I wondered what it would be like to have a wife who is a sweetheart, who will talk, cuddle, hold hands, give affection... but I don't have that. Instead, my wife rejects my advances such as those (but accepted sex until a while ago--go figure?). She says she has nearly everything she wants and is quite happy.

She has a home, a family--that's all she really wanted. And what she doesn't want is a husband. Ok--so what do I do? There's been no sex for more than seven years.

I would like to look, but not cheat.

If there is a woman who I could find who would be friend, become sweetheart, now that the children are grown--I'd give up everything (even my obligation to stay married) for the peace and happiness that there "can" be between a man and a woman. --Am I scum, because I want happiness? --Nearly 15 years ago, I remeet an old friend from college. We were/are in an organization that meets once a week.

In the beginning, she sat by me. We laughed, shared, learned from each other. I did many things for her and her family (her husband was (is) a jerk) that should have been done by her husband. But she called on me to do those things.

One Christmas, I was giving her a Christmas tree and the snow caught in her hair, backlit against the street light, it looked like she was wearing a crown of diamonds. I knew I loved and was in love with her. She seemed to be the answer to my prayers. We were dear, dear friends, with a totally platonic relationship.

My wife knew of this and wasn't bothered by it. She told me she sort-of hoped this lady would take me off her hands.

Anyway, that relationship was wonderful. Was I looking? Was it wrong? no sex, but a sweet friendship, such that I never knew until then what a truly "good" relationship, could be like be between a man and a woman. There was happiness on both sides--again no sex, no kisses; but hugs, smiles, laughter, sometimes tears, waves goodbye--it couldn't have been better. Except, she was married and so was I.

She told me she was falling in love with me. I was elated. But later she said, I was "temptation." --I thought, who, me?--no way. Our relationship continued to be happy. If she would get out of the abuse of her marriage, I let her know that I'd be there for her. Again, I was told I was temptation. She seemed hurt and upset. (was she looking too?) Finally, she told me, very sadly, that our relationship had to end. That we could never, ever, speak to one another again, have any communication--even eye-contact. I was dumbfounded.

When I asked why, she told me it was because we made each other too happy. All the time I had thought this is exactly what a man and woman can do for each other--be friends, love & make each other happy, even during arguments, she still made my heart leap, because of the love for her. but, I was temptation. Temptation given in to, becomes sin. So, by knowing me she was sinning--she was the other woman, which I assured her she was not.

But to this day, now some 7 years, she doesn't speak to me, avoids eye contact, will turn her back to me if we are near or if we walk towards each other, she will go the other way. Shortly after she dumped me, I learned she had divorced her husband and lived with her children. How I wish she hadn't dumped me or had picked me back up. We weren't so much as looking, but needing and had found. My thoughts were "my prayers have been answered." Her thoughts were she can't interfere in my marriage and must stop, even though I made her more happy than anyone she had ever known, and she, me.

I want to look. to find someone like that again. but I don't know if anyone will even have me--so I sit alone at home, with my wife & no sex for seven years, no affection for 30. I would leave except, I hate being alone. So, I can't look, but wish I could.

I guess I am married and wish someone would look for me.

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