Porn on My Partner's Computer

Why am I so jealous?

I need some advice. Recently, I discovered a lot of porn on my husband’s computer, accumulated during a "dry" spell when I was having our two children. The dry spell has been over for some time now.

When I found out about the porn, I went nuts. Since then, my husband hasn’t looked at the porn, but I’m afraid this won't last. So afraid in fact that I’ve started snooping around on his computer, which makes me feel really rotten.

The fact is I don’t want my husband to feel like he can’t ever look at porn. What I want is to lose my hang-ups over it and let my husband enjoy. I mean we have good sex so why should I care? But right now I do care. We’ve talked about this to death to try and work things out, but I still feel like a stranger around him and am afraid to go into his office for fear I’ll catch him looking at another pornographic picture.

Why am I so jealous? I feel I’m just as good as these porn women. There’s nothing they do that I won’t do. Is it wrong to snoop on my husband’s computer when he’s away? I suspect so, given how awful I feel when I do it. —Anonymous

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From Not Good Enough
I am 47 years old and have been married for 25 years. I walked into the room and saw my husband looking at breasts on the computer and I got mad and went back up stairs. He came in and said he was sorry, as I was crying from the hurt I felt. He said he wouldn't do it anymore. I thought that was the end of it. I discover later that he was sneaking around and looking at it.

I was more computer savvy and would find things on the computer. He bought a laptop and became better at hiding it. He would stay up late and get on the Internet and look at porn. I have caught him a few more times looking at it over the last 5 years, I become upset, not worthy, not good enough, etc...I do the laundry in our house, and almost every morning he masturbates in his underwear looking at or reading about porn. When he gets on his computer I feel sick and mad at the same time, he told me he wouldn't look at it any more.

We have sex 1 x per week every Sat. morning. He doesn't give out hugs unless I ask for one, and I feel like I'm begging him, he kisses me goodbye every morning and that is it. I don't know what to do anymore. If he spent as much time ogling me as much as he ogles the porn I would be happy and he wouldn't have time to porn watch. I need help with this.

From Fit2betied
Well, as always the jury is out on this topic. Being a healthy male I have always enjoyed some type of pornography throughout my life.  I have had bouts of being obsessed and other times when I am fully content to be without porn.  Stress has a lot to do with it and sex is a great stress reliever even if its with your self.  I applaud the partners who are willing to confront the issue.  Being upset and hating your mate is not the way to handle the issue.  Communication is the only way to confront it.  Men masturbate, thats all there is, we need release and sometimes it faster and easier to just stroke it out and move on. 

Now I will admit I had a problem several years ago and got hooked surfing porn channels and researching all the different kink that I could find.  I was like a kid in a candy store(the internet is wonderful, sometimes).  Men and women are different theres no doubt. But, we can agree we all enjoy sex on some level.  Womens brains work on a different level then men's, I don't need to be wined and dined or even tricked into bed, just tell me your horny and want to get naked and I'm there. 

I enjoy exploring sex with my wife, but I also enjoy taking time for myself and if that means I watch a 15 min clip of some sexy nymph getting gang banged in the ally, or a hot MILF taking the gardener while the husband watches I'm ok with that. Its a fantasy world, its a way to explore without going out and meeting people or cheating on someone to find out if you like something. 

Believe me I love to have my wife next to me masturbating right there with me so we can share the experience.  Thats what couples should be doing.  It's fantasy, there are men and women who will never do the things portrayed in videos, but that doesn't mean its not arousing to them.  So, sit down and talk to each other and work out what is good for you and your mate.

From Anonymous
I am a woman who has been with many men who view porn.  It has upset me greatly, because I never felt good enough about myself.  The truth is I never felt good about myself anyway.  Porn just made it worse. 

Over the years, and I am 42 now, I have come to the realization that men and WOMEN like to look at it.  I have liked to look at it and it helps me release myself. I would look at what my boyfriend had.  I felt like a hypocrite too.  People say men fantasize a lot about other women they see.  I do the same of men.  If I see a guy in a store that sparks my interest or come across a guy in my line of business, I do fantasize as well.  I would not act on it, but I do enjoy fantasizing a great deal.  I am an attractive woman and I see guys checking me out a lot. 

As far as the porn thing, I think it is natural for a woman to be upset.  Women are constantly in competition with each other and want to be the center of their man's attention.

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