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Porn and Relationships
Hot or Not?
Does pornography help or hurt a relationship? What are your
thoughts, feelings, and experiences, either good or bad?
—Anonymous Web Reader
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From Robin
I have been dating my boyfriend for 19 months now. Our sex life was wonderful at one time, he took interest in me! But now the sex has died down to 2 times a week if I'm lucky. He has gotten back into his porn, and it is going to completely ruin this relationship or what is left of it.
I have told him how it hurts me but he said "he'll never get rid of it" So that leaves me feeling less cared for and valued! Men expect women to put up with this degrading habit without any regards to our feelings. To them it is not cheating. yea right! When a man lays there and masturbates to other women when he has one perfectly willing, than something is wrong!Because he thinks he is quote"A MAN!" it gives him the right to disregard our feelings!
So after much pondering in my own head I have reached a conclusion for me. If a man is with me than he should be with me, if he can't he shouldn't expect anything more of me. As a woman I do not care to look at porn though I have offered to try watching it with him, he hasn't took me up on the offer so I stand in believing this is his nasty little world so I will find my own.
As a man continues to make his women feel like she is less valued and hurt her, she must in turn take it upon herself to be and feel as beautiful as she can! That is why I have decided to date (NOT HAVE SEX) other men! While he is masturbating to his whores I in turn will be wined and dined just as a lady should be! After all "He says it's just pictures, like a car, fishing rod etc.) lol..HOW STUPID DO MEN THINK WE REALLY ARE? You don't masturbate to a fishing pole!
Do I feel bad going out with other men, NO not anymore. He has caused me to become numb to my feelings.I figure if he's happy masturbating to his porn let him be. Myself, I can be valued and feel beautiful by others. After all I am not doing anything wrong ! Who knows I might actually meet a respectable man! Still have my clothes on and so do my male suitors! More than I can say for him and his whores!
From Anne
After reading some of your Anonymous entries on the question of Erotic readings by husbands/partners and boyfriends etc etc and the effect it can have on their partners I am drawn to write my own case.
I must say the reading of those notes- have at least given me some relief in respect to my own feelings of utter desolation, feelings of rejection, wondering if I have done - said or missed something to bring about such treatment. But I am still at a loss as to what I can do to end this miserable existence I have now.
I found after five years in a relationship, that the reading of exotic material by my partner has escalated to embrace most of his day and part of the nights now, and at no time did I object, however, I did try broaching the subject to give my feelings to him, that it was affecting our relationship only to be brushed aside - with the statement that it enhances our relationship. Does it hell! And now of course, if I try to broach the subject, I am considered to be a nuisance or harping.
To start with, we did originally have a loving relationship, although no actual sex has ever taken part, it was all petting etc etc and me doing my best to please him in every way. Then I noticed, that gradually, his attention to me became less and less to the point I started feeling angry, hurt and in a way belittled and it was obvious he was still reading his stories. At first he would share with me, then he refused to let me do that saying he was a faster reader than I.
He does have a health problem- diabetes- which I feel he uses to cover his addiction to this erotic reading - in fact I know he can have an erection and frequently, but despite my hinting he shies away na d it is this which makes me feel degraded, useless, not good enough yet in the past always tried to help him get some sort of orgasm, and he did! but even that is now denied me . Now it appears I am not part of his life any more. I have argued with myself over what to do I have tried to ignore it all, but I feel very depressed about it, and what is more I am in need of close and personal male attention.
Where did I go wrong? I have tried to ask, and he makes all these assertions that there is nothing wrong at all.Yes he does grab at my breasts in passing me, and kisses me on the head also but that is not enough! So why, if he can do this, can he not pay more attention to me? If I try to encourage him into the bed - or bathroom he is too busy has a movie to watch or a footy match to watch but even then I have noticed he is still reading during those! I have found he quickly changes his reading matter on the computer when I pass him by and I feel this is being sneaky and there is no need for such behavior.
All this is beginning to make me feel ill. I have more lonely nights in bed than a lot might suspect. I just feel I am being used as a convenience although he says he loves me. Many times have I felt I should end the relationship but am afraid to do this as we are neither of us young now being both in our 70s.
We do need each other in some ways... however, that just is not enough for me. Is this being selfish on my part?
From Anton
My wife would freely admit she has slutty inclinations. But she is also inclined to embrace it. We both love porn; she particularly likes watching penetration.
We really don't mind the weak stories and bad acting. We just love watching couples and groups fuck. My wife can't stand to see men wearing condoms either. She really enjoys raw animal urge fucking. And she likes watching one woman suck a man's balls while another woman sucks his cock.
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