Impotency

How Do You Handle It?

Need a little nudge?

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From Fabienne 
The content of this text touches several subjects but I feel this is the best place for this story.

About 15yrs. ago The wife of the couple that lived next to me passed away. They were both in their 70's. I was in my 40's. A few weeks after the funeral there was a steady stream of friends stopping by to see Fred, the husband. Usually it was other couples bring prepared food. A custom of that generation. As the weeks went by the visitors were usually just women. After a few months friends stopped coming by.

About a year went by with Fred and I just saying hi if we saw each other out in the yard. One particularly hot day we were both working in our yards so I inviter Fred over for a beer. We sat under a tree and just talked about nothing.

Enough time had passed since his wife's death that I felt I cold ask about his social life. Fred sad how he had dated a few of the widows in their circle of friends but that it was awkward. After a few more beers, Fred confided that at is age he was impotent. Just a fact of life. (ED drugs hadn't appeared on the market as of then.) Since he had broken the ice, I mentioned there were other ways for a man and woman to pleasure each other. Fred agreed but said the ladies of his generation were less inclined to engage in such activities.

The following week I asked Fred if he could help me unload something from my trunk. It was a ploy to get into my house. As a thank-you I stretched up on my tip toes, Fred was over 6ft, to give him a kiss on the cheek. Fred, to my surprise and delight, had other ideas and turned his head and our lips met. It wasn't a long kiss but it wasn't a short kiss your father kiss either. It quickly led to another more passionate kiss and a lot of groping. I took Fred by the hand and sat him down on the sofa. As I started to unbuckle his belt, he tried to stop me mentioning his condition. I told him that was not a problem as far as I was concerned, this was just for him.

Now there is nothing I like better than giving head. I started in my early teen and just fell in love with the feel of a cock in my mouth. In fact, I enjoy it the most while it's soft and not poking the back of my throat. I figured if Fred never got hard, it was going to be the best of both worlds for both of us.

I don't how long he lasted but Fred was a gentleman and told me he was about to come. I stopped long enough to tell him jokingly, that he better come, I wasn't doing this for free.

Fred never got really hard but he did begin to firm up near the end. When he did come, he produced more than I would have suspected. Not fearing STD's considering his circumstances, I swallowed him right down.

When I finally allowed Fred to slip from my lips, he pulled me to him and kissed me with all the passion I had felt from a man.

Fred turned out to be very talented in the oral arts as well. Apparently his wife wasn't on of those ladies who didn't do such things.

After a couple of years of mutual pleasure, Fred met another lady and they moved to Florida. We still exchange Christmas and birthday cards.

From Anonymous
These things happen, my experience with it was a bit weird because it happened during the first encounter between me and a new partner, but he was upfront about it (he's had the problem before), so that reassured me I wasn't doing something wrong. He thanked me for being understanding, but to me, how can a woman give a guy a difficult time for that? It's not like it's something he can control. We don't always come and that's not under our control either. I wouldn't want a guy giving me a difficult time for that. And he did satisfy me quite nicely in other ways. So, there were no complaints from me!

I kept asking if there was anything I could do to make things more enjoyable for him, but he didn't have any specific requests (I was reciprocating with oral). Does anyone here have any suggestions? Also, do you find any positions more helpful than others? Thanks for any info you can provide.

From Dal
My first experience with impotency was when I was 18 and 19 and I was in a love affair with a 30 something widow. We fucked so much that I was almost a goner. After a year or so of such intense fucking in all night sessions, any from 3 to 6 or more times ejaculating, I was with her one night and I could not get hard at all. It nearly scared me to death. It was only temporary and never happened again for many years.

I started having some impotency problems in my mid 50s and still do at times. When they started, I think it was because I was intimidated by my beautiful lady friend who confessed to having dozens of lovers over the years and much more experience than I had.

After we agreed to become sexual lovers, one night we had dinner and in the parking lot she asked if she could see and feel my cock. I agreed and pulled it out. I had been afraid she may not like it because it was uncut. As we sat in my car she looked at it and took it in her hands and looked at it very closely. She liked it and wowed at how big and smooth it was and how nice the foreskin was.

We went to her house and after a while, she grabbed my cock still in my pants and asked me to come to her bedroom. We got naked and got on the bed. I was so excited to be with this beautiful woman that I could not get a hard-on, no matter how much stimulation she gave me.

We kissed passionately and I explored her body, fingered her lovingly, and went down on her and gave her oral pleasure as she held onto my cock. She had multiple orgasms but I still could not get hard.

She assured me that it was all mental and tried to get me to relax and had me to lie on my back.She got on her knees and began giving me a blowjob, deepthroating my cock. I still was not getting hard, but she sucked for what seemed like an hour or so.

Finally, she shifted her body around and had her pussy straddling my face so we would be in the 69 position. I am a very expert oral lover and gave her tremendously intense and long orgasms and ultimately I began to get hard and we fucked and sucked each other all night and for the rest of the weekend.

Every time I had this problem, she could cure it by giving me slow blow jobs and get me going. It almost always worked, but when it didn't, I still sucked her to oblivion through the night.

With her and others, I can overcome my temporary impotency this way or by first watching some extreme porno. Once I get hard, I am like a stallion with a raging hard-on that can fuck for hours and not come.

When by myself, sometimes it is hard to masturbate without reading erotica or watching porn. I am sure age has something to do with it and as I approach 63, it is sporadic when impotency is a problem. Viagara and other aids work fine, but they leave me ill afterwards and I no longer use them.

I can use one of the above methods to get hard, put on a cock ring to get going fucking and then stay hard all night.

During my mid50s, I bought a penis pump and started using it. It caused my dick to get huge around and gives me an inch or more in length from 8 to 9+ inches. After about an hour of this, it is very thick. It is very firm but not always rock hard, but several of my women lovers say that it feel great as though it is totally hard. With a cock ring attached, it is even more firm. This larger length and girth will drive a normal women wild and it did the trick with the extremely experienced women also, assuming their pussy is large enough to take it and not hurt them too much.

I hope this helps someone. Thanks for this great forum.

From Anonymous
To Dave, [see Dave's entry below] 'hear, hear, Fyllis'. That young girl is most likely bullshitting you, or else very inexperienced or insecure herself. Even young women like long foreplay till they're lubed up, and often long, passionate intercourse sessions. 

I hope you've never had a time in your life when you expected to come whenever you have sex, otherwise how dare you be such a hypocrite and insult women that way. Women are people, and deserve to have their needs met as much as your 50-yr-old ass does. If you expect to get laid well, you have to respect others in turn.

From Fyllis
In response to Dave's 'solution to his problem [see Dave's entry below]:  Boy! Do you have a lot to learn about human sexuality! Finding a woman who is as sexless as you are certainly doesn't seem like the optimum solution to a serious dilemma. Women reach their sexual peak at 40, just about the time men begin to fade. The only reason your girlfriend is in any way satisfied with your lack of performance is because she hasn't yet experienced her full potential. Unfortunately, being with a man like you, she probably never will.

After reading your post, I could only imagine your young and nubile partner laying there staring at the ceiling and fantasizing about her 'stud on the side' while you climb on top of her with your 'huge cock' and force your way inside her dry and unprepared vagina for 2 minutes of frustration.

I'm sure she loves it 'straight away like that'... the sooner you finish, the sooner she can drag you off to the Mall and really get satisfied! When she tells you how much she loves what's in your pants, I fear she is referring to your wallet!

Your remark about Viagra being for 'demanding ugly women whose hubbies are over the fact you girl's can't reach your own orgasm' is utterly ridiculous. Viagra was discovered to be an aid to men who have dysfunctional erections. The performance of the woman isn't effected one way or the other by it. It's not about the dick, but the man behind behind it!

You impress me as being a very dysfunctional man both physically and mentally. What a shame that you feel compelled to make feeble insults toward women in attempt to make yourself feel powerful.

From Bi-girl
Who cares? As long as the tongue and fingers work, let's get to it baby! And there's always kissing and all that other good stuff too.

From Joshua
I am 25 and sexually active. Last week after heavy night drinking and smoking I experienced tiredness in my male organ and every time I get an erection it just falls down minute after. I haven't smoked a cigarette since last week now and exercise every day but the problem is not going away.

To make things worse, I am dating a beautiful girl and we are about to have sex and I have this problem..

Maybe I'll try Viagra

From Down Low Softee
I'm currently in my mid-30s, and I have experienced some form of erectile dysfunction since I was about 18 or so. Before my first episode, I found it strange that it took me so long to come...but the girls always loved it, so I dealt with that. Then after my first couple of episodes, I freaked out and saw all kinds of doctors (this was pre-Viagra) who all concluded that it wasn't physical and that it would likely go away.

Well, 17 years later, it hasn't gone away; but luckily for me, it doesn't happen in about 50% of my sexual encounters and now there is Viagra! The funny thing about my having this condition is that I was super-sexually active in my 20s (I actually thought that the condition was my punishment for fucking so many women). Whether or not I experienced an episode, I laughed it off in front of my partner, but would be right back trying it again until it worked. 

Deep down I knew that a good fuck was reason to forgive all, and if I could pull one off, I'd get her to forget the past. And usually after I started the sexual relationship, the dysfunction would get under control (it was usually with women I wasn't comfortable with that I suffered ED). 

Nowadays, I carry a Viagra pill with me at all times. My girlfriend doesn't know (I think?) that I take one before each of our episodes.

From Doug
Some time in my mid 40s with neuropathies developing I started having erectile problems. The best solution I have found is to make a change of position and quickly and smoothly substitute a couple of fingers going to work on her g-spot and clit. It works wonders and I never have any complaints amidst the orgasms.

From Lauda
I am 58 and have faced several occasions when I could not get erection. I never failed to insert, though. I feel to penetrate as soon as I get on the bed. I have to stimulate a lot and when I get hard, I call my wife/girlfriend to join me naked. Some times I had to call her to come fast before my erection goes down. I have anxiety and have negative feelings that I may not be able to insert my member every time But cooperation from the girls make me enjoy sex. 

The erections however are not stronger as before. I do get hard-on sometimes in sleep. I have never used any medicines. My problem is I feel I can not perform every time but I do perform. I prefer known girls than unknown ones. This makes my erections stronger. New girls make me feel nervous and raise fear of non performance in me. I get hard during reading erotic books and masturbation.

From Jim
Dave [see entry below], sounds like a selfish boring solution to me. But then to each his own. 

From Dave
I found a solution. I have always gone out with woman who are sexual and demanding . I started dating younger ones and the younger the better. I am now with a girl half my age I have been with her 5 years. We are sweet together. I am so turned on by her, she loves to just lay there and is not all sexed up and wanting hours of Tantric love making. She is not demanding. 

She loves me and I roll over and just hop on her whenever and she just goes OK and is into it . She is so tight I only have a problem she is so tight I wanna come in about a minute. She loves my huge cock in her and I am always aware she is not all juiced up yet. She loves it straight away like that and comes in about two minutes. 

So my theory is find a non-demanding partner. I have spent years making women happy trying hard enjoying it all but need to find the one who loves you just being you. I get on top in missionary every time. She lays there and I come soon as she does, so I don't need to maintain an erection for long at all. I am 50 she is 23! Do the math. 

Viagra was invented for demanding ugly women whose hubbies are over the fact you girl's can't reach your own orgasm, it's your responsibility.

From Rich
I'm a 48 year old male and I never had a problem getting or keeping an erection until about a year ago. My wife had problems with her hips that caused her a lot of pain, but she was still willing to try and have sex. I was quite worried about causing her pain and it just became a cycle where I would lose my erection during intercourse. I can assure the women readers, this is not something that a man has any control over. You can be quite aroused and still not be hard.

In my case, I worried about sex, the next time, even if we had a successful session previously. Anxiety and erections do not go together! Pretty soon I had become a mess. I spoke to my doctor about it and he did some blood tests to check my testosterone levels. They were low but still normal. So he gave me some Viagra. Well, that worked wonders and after a short while I got my confidence back and was able to discontinue the meds.

My advice would be, if you experience an occasional loss of erection, don't dwell on it! The games you play in your head only make things worse! Seek professional help quickly if things do get out of control. And to the ladies posting here, I must compliment you on your willingness to help your partners! A sincere, caring partner will go a long way in solving this problem.

From Anonymous
Gee it's good to find a site like this. Its not just me. You hear it said it happens to most men, but we never talk to others about it. I find it so frustrating to the point my erections are almost non existent. I'm now 53 and my erections started going around 10 years ago. I have been to the doctor , which I found embarrassing and discussed the issue. He suggested Viagra and gave me a script. I have been trying this for a while with some success but not a lot. Reading what people have written, I feel I have lost my libido. How do you get it back.

It's not as if I don't love my wife. We have been together happily foe 25 years and have brought up 2 kids. What do I do?

From Dave
It's a problem occasionally. If I delay having an orgasm too long, I get too soft to penetrate my wife's pussy. Hopefully, by then, she's already come several times through oral stimulation, etc. No big deal. She'll simply wait a few minutes and masturbate me until I come.

From Sarahlynne
My boyfriend of 4 months is 28 and had been celibate for 7 years before we began dating. He had shitty luck with women. He has had some trouble with impotency and feels pretty bad about it. I am very understanding, and I reassure him that I care for him. He works long hours so he's tired a lot, and it takes time to get comfortable with someone in bed. I know he is attracted to me so I don't blame myself.

I think he is bothered by the fact that he hasn't been able to get me off yet. He is "studying up" on oral sex, and he gets better every time. I always point out what he does well. And I tell him I am fully confident that he will get there. It just takes practice! I'm naturally very flirtatious so I tell him how cute he is quite often. I just try to make him feel good about himself.

I don't talk to him about it very often because I feel like that pressure just makes it worse. But, when we have talked about it, I try to be very gentle. I ask him if there is anything he wants me to do or change that he thinks might help. In our case, I just think it's his adjustment to having sex again after so long and his anxiety at wanting to please me. I am so lucky to have him.

From Anonymous
I'm a male in my late 50's. In my late 40's I began to have occasional problems maintaining an erection. I first noticed it when I neared climax. If I delayed coming I would begin to get soft. As a result, I would rush to finish once I felt I was close. As I was trying to figure out the problem, things got worse. I was newly divorced and trying to date again and had a few other problems. I sought help, and was told I had an emotional problem.

Most all the women I dated did their best to be helpful, while I was trying to pin down what really was wrong. One time things would be great and the next I couldn't get it up. The only good news was I learned how to get myself off with a "soft on" so I could at least get some relief. As time went by, erections became non-existent.

I didn't find an answer until Viagra entered the scene. My Dr. gave me some free samples to try and they worked quite well for me. Viarga takes a little getting used to, and doesn't work every time, but does most times. I think what helped the most was being able to talk about the problem. I have since remarried and life is good again! I don't know if discussing things specifically would help anyone, but you can always email me if you wish.

From Sal
Katy [see entry below], you need a new boyfriend. Your current guy is blaming you for something that is at least partially his problem, if not completely his problem. They guy's got issues, and rather then dealing with them, he's putting the all blame on your shoulders. Can't say he sounds like a nice guy, more like a damn selfish insensitive inadequate jerk that would rather hurt your feelings then serious discuss the problem and find a solution. Gather up your pride and your self-esteem and leave. 

From Katy
I don't really know if this belongs in this section, but its something that makes me truly miserable. Whenever my boyfriend goes soft, he blames it on me, tells me I'm not doing it right and it makes me feel really awkward and guilty. Deep down I think he has an impotence problem because since we met nearly 18 months now, he has only ever managed to ejaculate 6 times. 

What did fascinate me was, he said he preferred to masturbate and that if anyone had ever told him 20yrs ago that masturbation was better than sex he would have laughed. By the way, he seems to have no problem ejaculating when looking at big breasts on the computer, so, is he impotent, or am I a turn-off? When I ask he says not, but I go without...

From Ghost Rider
The subject and joke about impotency: How do you handle it? Very Softly.  Being serious guys, I saw a news interview with a doctor discussing Viagra. I guess it's something new, but they were talking about some of the people having some kind of degenerative condition with the optic nerve and taking Viagra can make them go blind. They continued with any one going to take Viagra should have their eyes checked by an optometrist for this condition to the optic nerve. 

Us guys don't stand a chance do we? Remember being told when you were just a kid that masturbating would make you go blind? Now that we have something to help guys suffering from impotency, they tell us that even that can cause us to go blind. Seriously guys, check with your optometrist about the optic nerve condition before going on Viagra. It would be a shame to take something that could deprive you of your eyesight.

From Anon
The first two times it happened, I was in my 20s and the setup was the same - long anticipated date with the woman, almost fully erect moments from the moment I saw her that night, erection raging for hours, then going down. By the time we got around to foreplay, it was as if my penis said, "Hey, I was ready all night. NOW, you want me to perform? You'll just wait until I'm good and ready."

Both times, I made light of the situation. The women had two different responses. The first one, C., also made light of it, looking at my penis and saying, "You're blowing your big chance." That night, my erection had clocked out, not to return till the morrow. It didn't affect the ensuing GF/BF relationship C. and I had in any way. She later told me she wished other guys handled it that way instead of as if it was a signal of some massive malfunction.

The second woman, A., said, "Are you a fag?" in a tone between a joke and a sneer. I was offended at the question, the tone and the use of the derogatory terminology (I'm not PC, but you have to prove your heart is right before using such terms. My friends are spread across too many races, religions, sexual preferences, etc. to put up with true bigotry). That night, my erection was only on a coffee break. Once it returned, for the only time in my life, I had sex with someone with whom I was upset. She didn't want it to be a one-night stand. So, my revenge for her remark was to do her well, get her off and never call her again.

Later in life, I wouldn't rise to the occasion out of overall exhaustion, lack of sexual energy and sometimes lack of sexual energy from my wife. But, as I got into my mid-to-late 30s, these instances had a carryover effect. I got performance anxiety. It was a relief to both my wife and I when I finally explained this to her and let her see how much shame and fury at myself I felt. She seemed a little shocked, then said, hey, I know our hump-a-lot, hot sex days are long past, but I still want you and everything you bring as a husband. That helped.

I still have performance anxiety on some level. But it isn't paralyzing as it had gotten for a few months.

From Tariq
There was this girl that I had started a relationship. We started with oral sex for a few day (she wouldn't let me fuck her since she wasn't TOTALLY finished with her ex). When she did, she asked me to fuck her. Before that, it would take me ages to come. This time, my dick was softer and just as I plunged in, it was soooo hot, I instantly came and obviously she was disappointed. That was a blow to my pride. Next three time, same thing happened. Then I decided to relax. I put on some nice flamenco music and told her no fucking or fun. We eventually ended up with fucking ... a total one hour of hard fucking .. she came 8 times. She thought I had taken some medicine! I fucked her for 6 months and made her crazy.

Now, I'm married. It was good in the start but now my dick sometimes goes soft, erection is not very hard, I come fast and recently development another problem, my ejaculation is very 'soft' ... just dribbles out (very disappointing. Six months back I had adult measles and took lot of anti-biotic)..

I need some herbal cure. There is this Chinese breathing exercises that are too impractical. HELP

From Anonymous
This happened in my relationship early on. After trying to hide the fact he couldn't get it up or keep it hard, he finally admitted that he was just nervous. Over time ( 3-4 months) the problem has pretty much gone away. I also think at times men, like women, are just not into it as much as they seem to be. Are we always wet and ready to go?

From Anonymous
First, I'm a 24 yr old guy. In the last few years, I've had this problem a few times. There are two factors that I can figure out that contribute:

1. Psychology - there have been a couple situations where I didn't trust the girl I was with, or like my first time ever being touched, I was just so anxious, that my erection just went away. Additionally, when I'm stressed or have something on my mind, problems are more likely.

2. As I've gotten a little older, I've drank a lot more and exercised a ton less, and I suspect my lil heart just doesn't keep the blood flowing like it used to.

That being said, it's a terrifying experience... you know, it's just supposed to work... and then in the middle of sex, gone. Or we've been making out for hours, I've been hard and throbbing, and she puts it in her mouth, it feels great, and just surprise gone. It's so frustrating...

I've found that stopping masturbation can help build up enough sexual energy or whatever to carry me through... and once I've come once with a girl, the trust thing falls out of the way... I suppose that could be an argument for therapy for me.

Anyway, try to stay focused on the feeling, how good it feels, exercise, and don't pressure yourself. Yes, it's a problem, but if she likes you enough to sleep with you, chances are she likes you for more than just that, and as long as you're sincere and communicative, you can work around/through almost anything.

From M
Thus far all the stuff about impotence/erectile dysfunction has been in relation to older men. My long term boyfriend and I are both in our 20s and we are having some serious problems in this area. Either he is not hard enough to penetrate me or (perhaps due to condoms?) I cannot feel him. Or he has an erection and it goes away very fast. Has anyone else had these issues? We've been dealing with this for months and have never actually had intercourse because of it. It's very frustrating for both of us. Ironically, when we were just doing oral/bj/handjobs everything was great. We've had several talks about this and I am starting to suspect that there may be a deeper psychological issue for him. Help.

We suggest you contact the following two excellent and trusted resources for help or guidance:  www.sfsi.org  /  www.sexuality.org 

From Jack
I'm normally rock hard, and really enjoy that feeling of having a solid cock that stands up and you could hang weights off it. However, I've had a couple of break downs and the consequences were terrible, because after that every time you have sex it is at the back of your mind. It first happened when I was with a girl that I'd wanted to sleep with for years and she turned me on in a way you can't imagine, and yet when it came to the moment my dick let me down. 

It was all down to having too much expectation and being too concerned with whether I was good enough for her or not. I rebuilt my confidence bit by bit and now I've come to understand how to control it a lot better. It's all about relaxing, just enjoying the sensations that sex gives you, and not thinking about how hard your dick is at any one time during the sex.

It also happened on another occasion just because I didn't feel too great and wasn't in the mood. Let me say that in both situations the girls were shocked and not particularly understanding. That was a real let-down I must say, and made it much more difficult to overcome. It seems like it's ok for girls to not be in the mood, or to be dry when you penetrate them after long and intense foreplay where they really do seem worked up, but when you can't get your hard-on a woman takes it really personal.

From Cathy
I have always been a very sexual person my whole life. Needless to say I have been confronted with this problem in a varied of ways. I see someone once in a while that due to health problems has about 0 blood flow through his penis. He takes Viagra, and it doesn't always work or only makes his semi-hard. I am a person that aims to please and like anything if you take your time and try different things you can get the final outcome. It doesn't mean I get much in return but I like the fact that I can do this for him. He is married and his wife won't even try. 

Someone else I dated for years had a similar problem but he took no meds and did have blood flow. It took over a year but from 'practicing' we got him to stand up on the job. I believe it was from lack of use that caused it. If men would relax and not put such pressure on themselves I think it would be easier. Find a woman you trust and go from there. You might be quite surprised!

From Jim Hollonon
Perspective of an Older and Honest Male At 60, I am past the point where it's all chalked up to stress at work or being too tired tonight. The sad fact is that my equipment no longer works like it did during my sexual prime. I don't even wake up with a piss hard-on. I can get fully erect, but it takes so much stimulation to reach that point that I am on the razor's edge of orgasm before I'm hard enough to penetrate.

It's amusing how hard (forgive the pun) it is to find men who will admit to such perfectly normal changes of aging. Consider. We have numerous prescription medications that are absolutely necessary to save your life. Yet Viagra, Levitra and Cialis are raking in more $$$ than medicines that are critical to survival--in a world where nobody needs such help?

My watchword is, "When all else fails, use your head." And when I apply that wisdom and spend a long, languid to hot time between her legs lapping away and drinking in her taste and scent, my equipment generally snaps to attention without any need of performance enhancing drugs. And hey, even if it doesn't, she's not complaining!

From Day
Doesn't happen very often, but when it does, I just approach it with the same attitude that I approach most other sexual issues - with a dose of humor. It could be that I'm tired, or have an unknown stressor, or maybe I'm just not in the mood (It's happened). Some cuddling, maybe a bit more foreplay, and if that fails, then fall to sleep in my arms, darling and I'll wake you with morning thunder.

From Anonymous
I'd like to say to all the guys who are stressed due to work, kids or whatever and manage to get it up more than twice a week. Well done. As for the guys who finish their wives off if it goes down YOU ARE INCREDIBLE.

I like sex a lot and I'm a lot younger than my other half. Needless to say it frequently goes down while performing. Big deal. If he expected me to ejaculate every time we made love we'd never get out of bed.

If I'm feeling very horny and so is he I'll jump on the opportunity to get both his balls and his cock in my mouth at the same time. If he's only feeling normally horny I lay on my back open my legs and make a real show of masturbating. 50% of the time he gets hard again (if he doesn't I pretend I've cum, kiss him good night and role over.) I keep one hand on my clit and one hand on his balls and arse, he jerks off over me and I rub it into myself until I reach climax. I love to watch him ejaculate and find this incredibly satisfying.

From M
well I must admit that I have managed to flop twice while giving my wife foreplay. It didn't matter what my wife did it just got smaller and smaller. I put it down to excessive tiredness. I did continue to finish my wife off, as I thought it was unfair to leave her high and dry.

From Sascha
Yeah, before I was big pimping, I was a big talker with a self esteem issue! That sealed my fate, screwed up my ability to stay focused and I blame my parents (Don't I sound like a Staind album?)

What do we do? Let's just say that her heart is the biggest and most precious thing and her help has been the greatest gift I could ask for. I'm too young to be having these problems for any other real reason, so it's probably in my head. Her gentle reassurance doesn't always help me right away, but in the long run, you know?

From Tim
As a 43 year old male, this is a topic that I'd rather not think and talk about. But, there is more than one way to skin a cat. If it does happen, so be it. But my lover will not go unsatisfied that evening. I promise...

From Teresa L
The whole issue makes me feel I don't quite understand male physiology. When it's happened to my partner, I've been puzzled by his apparent surprise. As if his body tricked him. I wonder if there isn't a kind of disconnect that happens, like the mind feels arousal but the body doesn't follow.

From Kalliannassa
It's happened to my man a couple of times, once because I wore him out. At the time I was a bit to happy to be very let down. If it were to happen again, I'm fine with just cuddling. I remember my shock the first time he said he just plain old wasn't in the mood. I was rather put out, because it had been a while, and I have played along when the mood wasn't particularly striking me. I have never faked it though, I either came, or didn't. I don't recall seeing a commandment that both partners must cum.

From Christian
When I had sex with my mate and the first time he didn't come, I was upset and thought something was wrong with me. He assured me that it was alright. So far, we have not really had equipment failure during sex but I'm sure that we will have ways of getting around that. I am also not completely straight so there are other ways of satisfying me.

From Rod
Well, Bob, I'd hate to leave you hanging out there all alone- wait, that's not coming out right- wait! Neither is that!

Anyhoo, as we on this list should all know by now, the brain is the primary sex organ. I believe the loss of reliability that most (I think) men experience in middle age can be attributed primarily to, for lack of a better term, brain farts.

It's not that sex is any less enjoyable as one ages, but it can start to fall into the "been there, done that" category, so it's much more likely that at any time during the act, including smack dab in the middle of it, one may suddenly, inexplicably remember the Visa bill one forgot to mail, for example.

But to answer the question, yeah, it's happened. Of course if I really have something else on my mind, it'll usually manifest itself well before things get underway, but still, it's happened. As I recall, after explaining that it wasn't "her fault", we shrugged it off, and grabbed the ol' eroscillator. Hate to leave a job half finished after all.

From Stevie Burns
The only times this has happened to me was with my husband. About 3-4 times in 10+ years, and he just was too tired or too stressed 'to pop' you might say. We're in our early 30s, and I have no illusions I expect this will happen again. I'm now entering my sexual peak, and his is long over.

Admittedly, I was terribly crushed the first time it happened, which was several years ago. I really felt that there was something wrong with me or what I was (or wasn't) doing. We talked about it for a long time that night and I realized that he was really just too tired. I think women are led to believe that men get horny and stay horny easier than women. So it really did hurt that first time, middle of everything... bleeaaahhhhh......... like it just died.

After that, the times it's happened were all during periods where his work situation was very stressful. I handled it much better I think, though I suppose it's impossible not to feel bummed-out at least. It's so strange, really, because sometimes I can just brush up against him and he'll be ON and yahoo! But if it dies mid-thrust, forget it. There's no way. Just go to bed and do it tomorrow.

From Ann
Y'know, it does happen, even if it hasn't happened to you before, and to me it's no big deal. Then again, I'm not entirely straight, so sex without any penis at all is a perfectly reasonable proposition. An uncooperative one doesn't bother me in the slightest. I have a disease that causes some problems in bed and I've spent a few years on medications that wreak havoc with the libido, so I'm not terribly dogmatic about sex and don't tend to take these things personally. We can call it a night or not as the situation dictates.

The one time it happened to a partner of mine was when we were both in our early twenties. I held him, made reassuring noises--and meant them!--and we went to sleep.

From Ciera
It happened to my ex on our first night. I told him not to worry. We had all night. The thought of doing it all night perked him up. It has happened to me too, although it's easier for women to fake enthusiasm.

From Christine
Well actually it has happened to one of my boyfriends once. It was so much more a bigger deal to him than to me. At first, I just started massaging him but his mind was still hung up on what had happened so I sat on his face. He quickly began to do something and his mind let go and by the time he was done, well we had some amazing sex...

From Sandaidh
Maybe it's just a facet of getting older, and realizing that our bodies don't quite work the way they used to, for whatever reason, but it wouldn't upset me. I'm not quite sure how I could reassure my partner that "it's okay, these things happen," though. It'd seem that the more I'd try, the worse it'd get. I guess I'd just let it go.

From Suzi
My husband was reading an article that stated it appeared there were more single women than men. Not so, said the article, there are just as many single men as women but many men hide themselves away for fear of not performing and pleasing their new partner. 

For women sex is important but not crucial in a relationship. For many men it is crucial and failure to maintain an erection, fuck for 15-20 minutes, then ejaculate profusely, is a major blow to masculinity and pride. Sex is top of the list for men so a sexless relationship doesn't make sense, far better not to engage with the opposite sex, hide away somewhere. Result? An imbalance and apparent outnumbering of men by women by 3 to 1. 

That then does pose the problem of the dominant 'stud' male, confident, arrogant, unworried by any erectile dysfunction issues, potentially servicing up to 7 females a week, and of course an utter predator. And given the 3 to 1 ratio I often wonder if my husband, who has no ED problems, is servicing any of the young females he has in his research team - purely for scientific reasons of course.

From Anonymous
I have the occasional failure getting it up like most blokes. Sounds like a lot of people feel bad or guilty about this happening, I believe that a decent woman will be accepting of failure. After all a man's penis is not what makes the man, it's his attitude and personality and part of his personality should involve dealing with failure, or trying to.

From Cory
My lover is a few years older than I am (I'm 53), and he is the best lover I've ever had. He has ED due to several health reasons and the medications that he takes for them. He used to be very bothered by the fact that he couldn't perform intercourse with me because he thought he wasn't pleasing me. WRONG! I've never been more satisfied than with him. 

I would love to have intercourse with him, simply because I have never been able to have an orgasm that way, and I know that he could do it for me. In fact, I have always thought that fucking was overrated, and for that reason, I don't miss it. We have so many other ways of pleasing each other, it is a non-issue with us, or at least it is for me.

I love this man so much, that simply being being with him is enough for me. But as I said earlier, he is the best lover I've ever had, and I've never been more satisfied.

From Karmakonchog
It was very interesting to read comments posted by others. I have a problem with delayed ejaculation. I have no problem whatsoever getting and maintaining an erection but I find ejaculation very difficult. My wife and I have not had a physical relationship for quite some time. I am now very pleased that in our late fifties we are have started to enjoy a very sensual and sexual relationship once again.

Concerned about my inability to ejaculate I visited my GP who suggested I stop taking Antenalol, a beta blocker, and also consider trying Viagra. I stopped taking the Beta Blocker with no ill effects at all and yesterday evening I took Viagra for the first time. Big mistake, I guess I should have thought it through. As mentioned earlier, I do not have any problem attaining and maintaining an erection. I had an enormous erection (not a boast by the way) which remained for about ten hours but was still unable to ejaculate (so much for doctors advise). 

I then got to thinking that sometime ago delayed ejaculation was mentioned as a side effect with regards to SSRI's which I am taking for a OCD 200 mg per day. Bingo that was it, why in heavens name did my GP not spot that one. I am now planning to stop the SSRI's and see what happens- watch this space - and please comment

From Anonymous
My boyfriend gets an erection (we are both 65+) but upon vaginal entry after a few strokes he loses it and ends up finishing the job with his hand. He says even as a much younger man this was his fate as the whole time he was married 25+ years. After pleasuring his wife with oral sex he would end up pleasuring himself this way as she did not like normal intercourse. 

And now he finds he cannot remain erect with a willing partner. I am hoping given time he will be able to. I understand penetration is not everything and am a willing participate in "other" methods but I feel he is hurt because he can't. Does this sound like a legitimate reason or is he just having ED problems that he can't/won't address. Wanting to help...

From Anonymous
I have an erectile dysfunction problem that I am looking for help for. When my wife gives me a blowjob and plays with my nipples, I can get hard. I can even orgasm. I can’t stay hard long enough to penetrate her vagina. I have tried Viagra, which I’m not totally convinced works for me. 

I am curious if anyone has a suggestion for me. I have looked for some sort of penis apparatus that would fit over my limp cock. Our sex is very good, but consists of her giving me head and my performing cunnilingus on her. Vaginal penetration is for all practical purposes out of the question. Any thoughts or ideas or websites that you know of would be greatly appreciated.

From Anonymous
I've had trouble with impotency all of my adult life (51 now). For me it's been an on and off thing, sometimes it works, sometimes not. I have no idea why either. It bothered me when I was young, early twenties, but I discovered that if I had a patient partner and relaxed and took my time my chances of success were greater, although not guaranteed. 

What I also discovered was that there are so many different ways to please a woman without penetrating her with my penis and one of the most pleasing things for me is pleasing my partner. And in the days before ED drugs, it became a lot of fun taking the time to seek and find those specific things that turned on the woman I was with and in my exploration often I found myself becoming erect. 

I've used Viagra and other drugs since they've come into the market place and while they work, I pay a heavy price of days worth the indigestion and heartburn (which I don't get otherwise) and it's just not worth it to go through that. Not when my wife has the patience of a saint and I still get turned on teasing and pleasing her.

From JaJa
I just have a question for impotent men. Can you kiss your wife passionately even though you are impotent? Is there any passion? Or is there no desire what so ever? I'm confused. My husband is impotent but also he cannot kiss me. He can only be very affectionate. I know he loves me very much. But so do I and I just want to kiss him all over. Why can't he? Confused. Please give me your opinions? I do have my own theory on this.

From Anonymous
I am 29 and recently I was with a man who is 40. His love life had been stalled out for years (supposedly) before we got together. A few times, I was able to get him almost hard, enough that he was able to get off, having an orgasm and coming. Over all it didn't really bother me. Sure, it would have been nice given the circumstances; I would have felt amazingly privileged and blessed if he had been able to keep it hard enough for regular sex.

We made love all the time. Energetically! Just being in each other’s embrace, we would be able to keep the energy flowing so strongly and through out our entire bodies. We would give each other full body orgasms, that were utterly wonderful, often without any penetration at all (no fingers, nothing)!

Even though we were never able to have penile-vaginal penetrative sex, I would consider him one of the best lovers I have ever had! There is no doubt in my mind we were making love. Making love, complete with amazing, long lasting, rolling and flowing orgasms. According to Taoist sex practices, we would have been set. Immortality here we come!

Please be honest with your partners about what you are dealing with and how you are feeling. Trust them that they will understand and try to be helpful however they can. If they can't be that kind of person for you, you’re just wasting your time on them anyway.

From Lisa
When my 68 y/o husband's virility began to flag, a few years ago now, we discussed he going onto those little 'blue pills' to get his manhood back and fully working. He was rightly anxious about taking the pills then suffering a heart condition so we went to our doctor who told him to go ahead, take the pills but only to engage in penetrative sex no more than three times a week, returning for a full check-up after four-six weeks. He also helpfully gave my husband some advice on how to increase sperm production. 

As a result of the pills and the doctor's advice, hubby and I were back to a full and very satisfying sex life within a week, the pills ensuring that he maintained his erection for up to three hours allowing us some wonderful moments in bed, we not getting to sleep to 2 or 3 a.m. in the morning on a few memorable occasions when I was able to fellate him and he able to penetrate me both anally as well as vaginally! 

From Sheila
We are in our sixties and married for 35 years. The cure for my husband's impotency is my mouth. We have sex two or three times a week and when he does go limp I fellate him and often this is all it needs for him to retain his hardness long enough to go inside me. When he doesn't stay hard enough to penetrate me then he will climax in my mouth.

From Rich
I have been impotent since the age of 33 - I am now approaching 73. I have been surrounded by beautiful women all of my life. Prior to losing my ability to get an erection I had a very active sex life. Nothing for the last 40 years - haven't seen, smelled or tasted a woman for that period of time. Have never had the courage to tell any of the beautiful woman that I am associated with that I would love to give them an 'Australian Kiss'. 

I have a female podiatrist who is beautiful and who I have fantasies about for the past six years. She has an assistant who is almost as beautiful. Both of these girls are in their forties and I believe their love lives have gone stale on them. They both have a nurturing nature but I have not found a way to offer either of them an 'Australian Kiss. Help (am running out of time)

6/29/07

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