Faking It

Why the deception?

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From Lilith
Faking it. I am now a pro. I know that some think that faking is wrong. Nevertheless, have you ever been forced or subjected to continuance sex until you orgasmed? I love sex, in fact I have always loved it. The truth of the matter though is that I am now twenty-six, at the time of my first orgasm I was twenty-five. I have been faking for years, since the onset of sex.

Why? For exactly the same reason most women do. To make their men feel good about themselves. I have had oral sex performed for an hour straight and nothing. I have had sex for more than eight hours and nothing. (Of course there were breaks between those sessions, but it went on forever.) All because my guy was searching for the elusive orgasm. If only I could have saved us both the pressure and told him that it would not be he who introduced me to the orgasm, no matter of fleeting our acquittance, but an Angel.

The truth is that the pressure of having an orgasm takes all of the fun out of sex. My ex and I, at the beginning use to search for this orgasm, and it use to ruin sex. Finally I told him one day that I refuse to have him poke and prod my body in hopes of eliciting said response. After that I had some of my most memorable moments of great sex. It did not matter that I did not orgasm. Don't get me wrong that does not mean a man should just get on and hump until they get their rocks off without any effort of pleasing me, but it does mean that I am completely okay with good sex minus an orgasm.

From Anonymous
I am in the same boat as Anonymous [see entry below]. I am fairly promiscuous (not saying that with pride, but just to explain my story) and have been with quite a few guys but have almost never gotten off by any of them. I seem to only be able to give myself earth shaking orgasms. I have never been with a guy that I was not insanely attracted to and hot for, but I have also never been with a guy that I was in a long term and committed relationship with.

I blame my dilemma partly on the fact that I think it is hard for me to fully relax my mind and body with a guy I am not completely emotionally connected with (performance anxiety?) but also on the fact that I feel too pressured and rushed (almost as though I don't want to make him eat me for too long or I'll start to feel bad). So I end up faking it. Sometimes I end up faking it by mistake! It just has become habit. And I don't want to - I know it cheats me out of what I know could be an absolutely amazing experience.

From Anonymous
I have orgasms if I do it, but I've almost never had one with a man, oral or otherwise. I feel pressured to hurry up and have one and then I don't have one at all. No matter how emotionally close I am to my partner it doesn't happen. So I fake it a lot and I hate it. What can I do?

From Amanda
It is not good to fake, I know. It's better to be honest with a lover, but there have been times with new lovers where I've tried to explain to them ahead of time that I just don't orgasm with someone the first few times, and they simply don't understand it. I think they do, until we get in bed and then they plow, plow away, trying very hard, their faces turning red with effort, their bodies covered in sweat. I don't want to kill them, I just want to make love to them and I want to give them what they want. If it makes them happy to believe that I am orgasming, why is this so bad?

It doesn't bode well for a long term relationship and I have not done this with my own husband: first of all because he is the most patient man I know and doesn't care if it takes me an hour to climax, and also because he, like me, understands that making love isn't just about that final prize.

For that one afternoon you spend with someone, never to see them again, where's the harm? I say faking it's ok. It's better than leaving a lover frustrated with himself, in my opinion.

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